Great…

My grandmother-in-law probably thinks I’m a huge pervert now.

While talking to her on the phone, she asked me, “how did you have your baby?”

“Naturally”came my meek reply. I mean, come on. She’s my husband’s grandmother for Heaven’s sake!

“I’m sorry? How?”

I cupped my hand over the mouthpiece and spoke a little louder. “The regular way.”

“Wait a minute, I still can’t hear you. Let me place you on speakerphone.” A few clicks and clunks and finally, she was yelling at me from what sounded like the inside of a garbage can. “Sorry, are you there?”

“Yeah Grandma, I’m here.” I bellowed into my cupped hand.

“Did they have to cut your stomach open to take the baby out?”

“No Grandma, she came out of my vagina.”

“Your what?” the muffled, metallic sound got louder and a loud screech popped my eardrum.

I raised my chest, spoke very slowly and delivered the words from my diaphragm. “My FUN-GINA.”

“OH.” Her voice was clear again. I’m guessing that the screeching sound I heard signaled that she had picked up the phone. “I see.” she continued, killing all hopes that she didn’t understand me.

I stood there in horror. Did I really just scream the word fun-gina into his little old-fashioned grandmother’s ear? How do you recover from that?

I quickly excused myself from our conversation and handed the phone to my husband.

Aaarrggghhh!

Don’t you just lllove those fricken’ Freudian slipples?