Unknown creature sighting

This made me so scared I canʻt sleep.

I want that job

I was having trouble sleeping the other night and, like millions of others like me, I grabbed the remote and started banging through the channels.
Food, food, more food, still more food, then *wham.* Dildo. Two dildos. Eight dildos.  Swirling dildos that light up like lava lamps and make whooshing noises while thrusting [...]