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Found on the internet:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . .. ”

3. Ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”

5. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

6. Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If a company calls trying to get you to sign up for their Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends, would you be my friend?”

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?”

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can’t just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can’t sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, “Oh my God!” and then hang up.

12. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.  Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.

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